hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
