I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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