would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
