Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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