if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
