DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
