she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
