Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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