I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
