why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
