We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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