it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
