Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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