My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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