I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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