it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
