I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
