so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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