wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
