A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
time to smoke my breakfast
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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