Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
