You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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