he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
