the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
