Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
