She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
