her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
