But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
