fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
