just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wear drunk well.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
