You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
