I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
