my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're a waste of cheezeits
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
