Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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