I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
