i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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