I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
