sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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