I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're so nebulous sometimes
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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