did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
