There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
