chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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