If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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