Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
