I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had to cum in my sink.
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