It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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