everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
