They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
