this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
And then he peed in my hair
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