You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
