Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
