I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
