During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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